The Clock Starts Now

Posted by nik-no-c

Apr 17

You always remember the horrific events that passes by your life. You know what you were doing and where you were at when it happens and forever, it will remain with you because you can never forget. April 16, 2013 is such a day for me.

The day started with me being late for work. Tonia had been in a great mood all day after being sad the last week or so, at about 4:35pm all that changed. She called while I was at work, the test results came back from her lung/breathing test and the doctor diagnosed that she has moderate to severe emphysema.

As defined by MayoClinic.com:

“Emphysema occurs when the air sacs in your lungs are gradually destroyed, making you progressively more short of breath. Emphysema is one of several diseases known collectively as chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD). Smoking is the leading cause of emphysema.

As it worsens, emphysema turns the spherical air sacs – clustered like bunches of grapes – into large, irregular pockets with gaping holes in their inner walls. This reduces the surface area of the lungs and, in turn, the amount of oxygen that reaches your bloodstream.

Emphysema also slowly destroys the elastic fibers that hold open the small airways leading to the air sacs. This allows these airways to collapse when you breathe out, so the air in your lungs can’t escape. Treatment may slow the progression of emphysema, but it can’t reverse the damage.”

Tonia’s family history has shown that both grandmother and mother both died of this disease and they died in their fifties. Mary, my mother-in-law passed when she was 56. Tonia turns 45 this August. So what does this mean? it means the countdown clock has begun and as of right now, I feel like I have lost all semblances of control in my life. Our life may not be perfect, but as she has said so many times, we are perfect for each other… and now, I feel like I’m going to lose even that.

I know that everything that lives will eventually die. Perhaps the “not knowing” when or what will kill you, gives you the hope that you will live forever.. maybe not forever – but definitely a long time… but what do you do when that time is cut short? What do I say? What can I do? My heart feels like it has been ripped from my body and I’m watching it being torn into shreds and I can’t do a damn thing about it.

I can’t lose her.

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365 Project – February Update

Posted by nik-no-c

Feb 1

So I managed to survive January. That was something I wasn’t even sure I could accomplish. Though only 13 days – the idea of having to provide a “photo-of-the-day” was not really as simple as it may seem. So in a way, the first 13 photos were a trial run.

Now that it is February, I think it is time that I push myself a little. Small steps… baby steps. So I decided that a theme was in order, and for that – the theme is Red.

Here is what I shall start the month of February with…

Dinner at Beni’s

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Filed under: 365 Project, Personal

365 Project – Something for me

Posted by nik-no-c

Jan 19

With the days leading up to my birthday, I read an article about Project 365. The idea was simple enough; Take at least one photo a day and post it online. Do it again the next day, and the next day, and so on, until you have completed one years’ worth of photos. The limitation, is that it has to be only one photo.

I don’t know why I felt drawn to the idea or even why I felt compelled to even consider it – yet I did. I did a little more research and decided that I would start this personal journey of mine on my birthday. The journey will end when once again, I arrive upon this day.

I have created an album to track my progress and can be found here:

365 Project

I will post my updates on NiToChSa PhOtOgRaPhY where if you choose, you can like/follow on facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/nitochsaphotography

Wish me luck… I think I’m going to need it.

 

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2012 – Where did it go?

Posted by nik-no-c

Jan 17

It’s a new year, and once again I question.. already? Why does it seem that the older I get, the faster time seems to go by? For posterity sake, I will attempt to recall the events of 2012.

The year started relatively slow and steady. Even winter in Chicagoland was Spring-like. Mattie was finishing his last year at kindergarten and this year, he turned six years old. In terms of birthdays – this was one special one for the little guy. We celebrated it 4 times. At the end of March we went back to Indiana to celebrate his birthday, though early, with the rest of the family. It was a good celebration and everyone showed up. Managed to sneak in a few good shots of the family.

My Family

By family, I also include Chuckie and his wonderful family which Tonia and I absolutely adore.

Extended Family

When Mattie’s actual birthday came around, it was a week day so he had cupcakes at school with his class. We decided that we would celebrate his birthday properly on the weekend, except I don’t think we expected to utilize the entire weekend.

At Benihanna

Dinner at Benihanna on Friday, Medieval Times on Saturday followed by a party at the park for some of his closest friends. Can you say spoiled?

As summer approached, we took in the Brookfield Zoo a couple of times and caught the Bug Exhibit. Went to Six Flags and floated down the lazy river several times and brought someone to ride the rides with Mattie.

On a somewhat serious note, around this time, Tonia and I had a sleep study done and found out, what we already knew – we had sleep apnea. I did not know that it is possible to have a heart attack and not know it while you sleep, unable to breathe properly.

This was also the year that I actually went to the ER for myself.. twice in the course of one weekend. The cause? Strep. A first for that too. My tonsils were swollen to the point where first I couldn’t eat, then I couldn’t drink, and then extreme freak out.. almost could not breathe. Had to have antibiotics pumped directly into me, with steroids. That was not a fun 2 weeks.

When Fall came around – it was back to school for Mattie as he entered First Grade. Savannah was still working at the same restaurant and it was a new record for her, being able to hold on to the same job for about a year. For Tonia’s birthday, I took her to see a Chinese acrobat troupe who was performing in an open arena at Navy Pier.

During Labor day weekend, we had a surprise visit from Chuckie and Shelly (or is that Shelley?) who decided to come up for an overnight visit and brought all the kids with them.

At The Red Apple

Tonia had been going back and forth between Illinois and Indiana every couple of months, to visit family and the grand-babies. As we pushed through Fall into Winter, those trips increased to every other weekend. Around that time, the lawsuit that she was in from the auto accident from over 3 years ago, finally concluded. Finally, she could move on with her life.

During one of those weekend visits in Indiana, we were invited to Danny’s for campfire weenie roast.  Tonia’s family was all there including the grand-kids. Even great-grandpa Ed hung around for a photo-op with the kids.

Great GrandKids

In October, as the leaves were changing color, Tonia and I went out for a photo stroll at one of the nearby parks and took a bunch of photos. We don’t get to do much of anything anymore with just the two of us. So times like these are really special to me.

Photo Stroll

As we came closer to Christmas, we did the usual thing about driving around, looking at lights and we opted to go back to Brookfield Zoo for their “Holiday Magic”. Not the greatest we’ve seen but definitely fun to be out and about at night.

Brookfield Zoo Holiday Magic

Christmas eve was fun to begin with. We had all the grandkids with us and a couple of our nieces. The not so fun part was one of the kids was sick (Conner!) and transferred it to the others. When we came home, Mattie felt really bad, then Tonia got it, followed by Savannah. We think it was the flu. I was spared with just a measly cold. New years eve was uneventful, waited till the clock turned twelve, kissed my wife, wished her “Happy New Year” and then off to bed we went.

Next thing I know… it’s 2013.

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Filed under: Family, Personal

Thirteen down, Forever to go.

Posted by nik-no-c

Apr 18

Thirteen years ago to the day, the weather much like today; gray, a bit windy and cold. I paced back and forth in a lonely gazebo at a local park, dressed in a black suit and a flower pinned to my lapel.

Looking all around me, I recognize the faces of friends and family gathered around the gazebo. Smiles and laughter from pocketted groups of people, all the while I paced some more. Alone with my thoughts, I wondered first and foremost, “will she come?” and immediately glanced at my watch and watched as the minutes ticked by.

My mind starts to wander, thinking about how this day came to be. How quickly five years have flown by. From the partying days at Hightowers, to graduating college in a matter of weeks and starting my first job a few weeks after that. Little did we know then, that life was full of surprises, some good… and some not.

Thirteen years ago today, you agreed “for better or for worse” and we have lived through both. I may no longer be the man you married, but would like to think that you have made me a better man for it.

Thirteen years completed, forever left to go.

Happy Anniversary Lee Lee

Forever & Always
yours,
nik-o

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Hey Life…

Posted by nik-no-c

Feb 19

Not so very long ago, I came across a quote in somebody’s email signature line. Though I can’t recall it word for word, the idea was simple. To those who always complain about life and and everything that could go wrong with it, don’t yell “Why me?” but rather, face the challenges life throws at you head-on and say instead, “Try me!”

I have always believed in the idea that everything happens for a reason and though sometimes those reasons aren’t so clear at first, sooner or later, they will. I am still waiting. I think that I have survived everything life has thrown at me so far and I will also admit that with every new challenge, my spirit wanes.. The only thing, perhaps I should say, they only person that has kept me going  is my better half. She gives me sanity when I feel like I’m losing it, and the strength to keep pushing on when I feel the weakest.

So Life, I have faced you again and again (albeit with help), you have “tried me” and I am still here. I’ve come too far to ask “Why me?” instead can we call a truce? I am tired Life… so very tired. How much longer must I wait before you allow me to see the path I need to take? I am tired of this waiting game.

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3 Wheels and a Doughnut

Posted by nik-no-c

Jan 9

A couple of nights ago, on my way home from work, while changing lanes I see a dark spot on the road and proceeded to swerve away from it, thinking it was a pot hole of some sort. Instead of a bump and bone shattering vibrations, I hear a loud bang. Since I wasn’t that far from home, I slowed down and got home safely. When I looked at the car that night, the car looked alright. The tire still had air and the suspensions seemed to be working (yes – I bounced the car – add “boing boing” sound effect here).

The next day I found that it wasn’t the front that had the damage but rather the rear tire (or tyre for the rest of the world). The outer wall had what looked like an inverted “C” about 2 inches long, cut out of it. A blown tire… great. Since I had been putting off changing the tires anyway – this would seem the most opportune time to do it.

I took the car to Firestone (not too far from home) and they proceeded to put on new tires… that was until they got to the blown tire. I was called into the work area to see a problem they were having… “Sir, this tire is leaking air and it is because of these 2 holes in the rim.” I responded, “Can’t you weld that?”, answer “No, you will need to get a replacement rim.” …. wonderful ….

Seeing as it was the weekend and how nobody likes to work past noon on a Saturday, much less Sunday, all the local places that could potentially sell me a used rim, were closed by this time. So until I can find a replacement rim sometime next week, I’ll be hobbling along on 3 wheels and my trusty doughnut.

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Roaming Gnome

Posted by nik-no-c

Jan 8

Just before Christmas, on a whim, my wife and I happened to see Travelocity’s Roaming Gnome for sale at our local Meijer’s store. He wasn’t too expensive. If I recall correctly, he cost less than $20. We both had the same idea; would it not be fun to include him in our family photos and/or videos while we travel? Much like how he is portrayed in Travelocity’s adverts.

So he was bought, as I said, on a whim. So far, we have only included him in some of our photos of our Christmas tree. Unfortunately, we left him at home when we went on a short vacation to Wisconsin last week.

I have been giving this some thought, off and on. Maybe I can create a Facebook fan page of some sort where people from all over can post photos that they have taken that include the Travelling Gnome. He doesn’t need to be at the fore-front of the photo, so long as he is visible somewhere in the photo… sort of like a “Where’s Waldo” but in this case “Where’s the Gnome?” That is optional of course. If you would rather have him in the fore-front, by all means.

My only problem is – how do I get something like this off the ground? How do I get people interested enough to buy a gnome and take it places much less include it in a photo? How do I spread the word of such a facebook page? or is this just a stupid idea? This is by no means a way of advertising for Travelocity; its just that he is so darn cute! and it would be fun.

What do you think? (Did you know that the Roaming Gnome has a Twitter page?)

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Fingers Crossed

Posted by nik-no-c

Jan 6

Never thought that losing a job would be a hard thing to get over. I always assumed that I would land on my feet and recover fairly quickly but couple a layoff with a bad economy at year’s end, you end up having a dire situation at hand.

That was how things were just over a year ago. I still find myself dreading the feeling of helplessness, especially when my job as a husband and provider is at stake. I have been lucky in 2010 having found contract work for the first 6 months followed by an extension for another 6 months but now, the contract is due to end when February comes around… February 2nd, to be precise.

I have been told by my contracting manager that everything is good and all will be well because the work I have been doing has been worthwhile to the company I am working with right now. Words used like “Slam dunk” and “No problem” are used to help me feel optimistic about my future and yet, I cannot help but wonder… these are still just words. We’re no longer living in a society where a handshake or “you have my word” can guarantee what is coming to you and today, words without paper to back it up are nothing but whispers in the wind, fleetingly heard and soon forgotten.

We shall see I suppose, I will give them another week or so before I start to hunt down other prospects before my time runs out again with nothing to show for it. Here’s to hoping… fingers crossed… tightly.

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Daily/Weekly Blogging Challenge

Posted by nik-no-c

Jan 5

Happy New Year Everyone!

Five days into the new year and I’m posting my first blog of 2011. I’ve been meaning to keep this blogging thing going on a more “consistant” basis but usually, life (or laziness) gets the better of me and this gets pushed to the back-burner. Perhaps a challenge would put me back on track.

I read an article today from CNN titled “WordPress challenges bloggers to post daily in 2011” which is aimed at bloggers (new and existing) to make a post a day or even once a week for 2011. You can subscribe to the Daily Post to get new ideas everyday for a topic or just make one up yourself. What better way to kickstart my blog once again.

How about you? Can I “triple dog dare you” to do this? Getting your own blog is easy and free, check out WordPress. Wow.. sounded like a salesman there for s second :) Once a day or once a week. We all have something to say, something to tell, why not share it with the world?

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